Usually, when a movie studio trots a film out for a widespread ‘sneak preview’ prior to its release, they’re pretty sure the word of mouth is going to be really good – enough to get the film off to a strong start when it opens a week or so later. Well, I don’t know what bright light at 20th Century Fox decided that Just Married was a strong candidate for such treatment, but I’m pretty sure that they made a big mistake. Or maybe the studio brains just figured that since Just Married’s trailer was already causing eyes to roll, they might as well finish of the job by showing the full movie and proving that it’s just as sloppy and unfunny as the trailer suggests.
This is the sort of film that looks from the start like a half-baked screenwriting effort. Watching it, you can almost hear the screenwriters (actually, Sam Harper wrote this one on his own, but work with me here) guffawing as they come up with each little comedic set-piece that’s intended to make this the honeymoon from hell.
“Let’s have them blow-up the quaint little Swiss castle’s electrical system by trying to plug in a… an American… sex toy!”
“Ha! Oh, that’s great! And then they can plough their tiny little rental car into a snow drift and be stuck there all night! We’ll ignore the fact that every other scene in the movie’s set in spring or summer.”
“This is unbelievably funny! Okay, then they end up in a seedy hotel and come face to antennae with a huge cockroach!”
“Oh, I can’t take much more of this! How about the newlyweds then each mistakenly assume that the other is screwing around with someone else. This is too funny.”
A disjointed series of little honeymoon from hell horror stories, Just Married depends on its stars – Brittany Murphy and Ashton Kutcher – for whatever success it’s going to achieve. And while Murphy gives it her best, giggly try, she’s nowhere close to having enough charisma or acting chops to make up for Harper’s only occasionally funny script, Shawn Levy’s uninspired direction – a big disappointment after the solid job he did with Big Fat Liar – and Kutcher’s limited appeal and virtually non-existent acting skills. Sure, there are a few funny lines, and a small number of wacky moments that seem almost – but not quite – inspired. But for the most part, this is lame sit-com style romantic comedy that offers little and is all based on phoney, contrived conflict and events.
Sarah (Murphy) explains the unlikely pairing of a rich girl and a bland middle class slacker guy by saying that Tom (Kutcher) is wild, hilarious, spontaneous, offbeat, centred and down-to-earth. Yet the Tom that Kutcher delivers is none of those things - just a shallow, sports-obsessed part-time worker who happened to bop Sarah on the head with a football one day. There’s little appealing about him and zero electricity between the two, so when we watch – through flashbacks – as their happy relationship crumbles over just a few days of honeymoon, it’s neither shocking nor a particular concern. Granted, Tom is more interesting than Sarah’s television comedy-quality family (her mother goes by the pet name of ‘Pussy,’ isn’t that priceless?), but that’s not saying much. Heck, even the caddish former boyfriend who tries to steal Sarah away during her honeymoon seems more desirable than Tom.
Just Married is a movie in need of a script doctor, stronger direction and a different leading man. Except for those minor shortcomings, it’s not half bad.
